American Courts

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American Courts

Postby Jo M » Fri May 11, 2007 12:51 pm

From a book called Disorder in the American Courts, taken down word for word by Court Reporters:

    Attorney: Are you sexually active?
    Witness: No, I just lie there

    Attorney: What is your date of birth?
    Witness: July 18th
    Attorney: What year?
    Witness: Every year

    Attorney: What gear where you in at the moment of impact?
    Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks


    Attorney: This Myasthenia Gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    Witness: Yes
    Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    Witness: I forget
    Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

    Attorney: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    Witness: Thirty eight or thirty five, I can't remember which
    Attorney: How long has he lived with you?
    Witness: Forty five years

    Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
    Witness: He said "Where am I Cathy?"
    Attorney: And why did that upset you?
    Witness: My name is Susan

    Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
    Witness: We both do
    Attorney: Voodoo?
    Witness: We do
    Attorney: You do?
    Witness: Yes, voodoo

    Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    Attorney: The youngest son, the twenty one year old, how old is he?
    Witness: Uh, twenty one.

    Attorney: Where you present when your picture was taken?
    Witness: Could you repeat the question please?

    Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    Witness: Yes
    Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?
    Witness: Uh....

    Attorney: She had 3 children, right?
    Witness: Yes
    Attorney: How many were boys?
    Witness: None
    Attorney: Were there any girls?

    Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
    Witness: By death
    Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?

    Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
    Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard
    Attorney: Was this a male or a female?

    Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning persuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work

    Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

    Attorney: All your responses must be oral, ok, what school did you go to?
    Witness: Oral

    Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    Witness: The autopsy started around 8.30pm
    Attorney: And Mr Denton was dead at the time?
    Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

    Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    Witness: Huh?

    Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    Witness: No
    Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
    Witness: No
    Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
    Witness: No
    Attorney: How can you be so sure Doctor?
    Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar
    Attorney: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    Witness: Yes, it's possible he could still have been alive and practicing law.


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Jo M
 
Posts: 173
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Location: Glasgow

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